Thursday, June 26, 2014

IT'S FIVE O'CLOCK RUM-WHERE

When your first born leaves on a plane for boot camp:
 You get your butt out of the bed, cry because you haven't heard from him since you let that big bad plane take him away yesterday,  eat two Swiss Cake Rolls for breakfast, four Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for lunch, pull yourself together and open the Captain Morgan's for a little day-drinking!!

Reading the bottle now, I see that it is Caribbean Rum with Spice & other Natural flavors. "Other natural flavors" being the salt of my tears I presume. I do not feel the Caribbean vibe yet, but I'm still on my first drink- please be patient. I'm perfecting my island accent as you read this and I may very well become a pirate before dinnertime. So ha!
 I realize I do not possess the only child to ever leave home for boot camp, I do however, possess the only child to ever leave MY home for boot camp and, for that, I deserve a reward. Maybe I'm too sensitive or I'm just a big baby but, I was not built for this. It takes a special kind of strength to send a child away and willingly allow someone to yell at them night and day and I do not possess  this super power. My super power is beating people up who yell at my babies, not cheering them on. He is a fine young man and while they might make him stronger and tougher during the next eight weeks, what exactly is their plan for me? Freakin' know-it alls forgot about lil ole me! I know I should have planned better for this moment, and sure, I plan for the future. But my idea of planning for the future is asking my teenage daughter how many more years she plans to be in the shower so I know whether to try and hold it or go ahead and pee in the woods.
So on that note, as Matchbox Twenty once said "reach down your hand in your pocket, pull out some hope for me; it's been a long day." And no need to sworry bout me, I can handwle my wicker. Slow long fer now.
I'm going to do some lite to moderate day drinking, so if you need me, I'll be lite to moderately drunk. It's five o'clock Rum-where. Arrrgg!!

Special thanks to my nephew for texting my phone to make sure it's working properly in case my baby calls home! Keep up the good work!

This one's on me, Barrelassers :)