Saturday, January 18, 2014

FORTY FACTS I'M FINE WITH. SAY THAT FIVE TIMES FAST!

In honor of my fortieth birthday, I'm making a list of forty facts that I'm fine with. Let's see how this goes down.

1) I can bounce a quarter off my butt, and I just know it's not bouncing the way it's supposed to. Fine with it. I still don't even know why that's important. I can bounce a quarter off of any surface. I assure you it's not a special butt. Try it.
2) Not everyone finds me amusing. It's totally fine. 
3) Only one person has me in their Google Circles. It's Brett Michaels- I'm more than fine with that. In fact, I like saying it.
4) I've had a headache for as long as I can remember due to my deviated Septum. It's okay. I would rather have a headache than have gauze stuck up my nose for five days after the surgery to repair it. I would totally freak out!
5) My house is almost never spotless. That's cool with me. I would have to work very hard to make that happen and I'd much rather be making a mess.
6) I've had one strand of Christmas lights on my porch for more than a year. They've seen two Christmases, and I really don't care. 
7) I'm not rich. I'm fine with it for now, but seriously, it's time to get that mess under control. 
8) I just got judged for wanting to be rich- doesn't bother me in the least. Judge away. I like lots of different things, and the only way I know to get them legally is money. I have things to do, therefore, I'm gonna need to be rich. 
9) I have this one little scar above my right eye. It doesn't bother me. It reminds of me of a really fun time.
10) The garbage truck doesn't come by my house. Whatever. It's a small sacrifice to make for having  garbage.
11) There's weapons and musical instruments sitting all over in random places throughout my house. I don't really know where they go, so I'm okay with moving them over if I need to sit down.
12) There's crutches behind my bedroom door. They've been there for about five years. Nobody in my house is on crutches. Oh well, they're not bothering me.
13) My mom got the good eyelashes. They skipped me and my little sister and daughter got them instead. It's all good. I just glue some on when I want them.
14) I just used my birthday and guilt tripped my daughter in to rubbing my back. I'm fine with it. She tried to bribe me first with a birthday present  if I would take her shopping. That's just how we roll. 
15) I usually pick out my own Christmas and birthday presents. Doesn't bother me, I don't have to pretend I like what I get.
16) Four people follow my blog, but hundreds read it. Followers mean absolutely nothing in the world of blogging. It's the traffic that keeps coming back that's most important. And people never comment on it publicly, only email or message me. I wouldn't comment on some of the things I come up with, either. ;)
17) I sound like a dying sheep when I sing. I'm cool with that. I don't sing for a living.
18) I've done some really stupid things in my life. Fine with that, too. Most of them were really fun, and they've made me who I am today, and I happen to like me a lot. 
19) I don't have actual neighbors. I did that on purpose.
20) My husband thinks Jennifer Aniston is hot. I couldn't care less. As long as he's team Jenn and not team Angelina/Brad, I'm happy.
21) My oldest son had absolutely no interest in college. He tried to give it a whirl twice- for about a week each time- I'm not bothered by this, I had no interest in the First grade, I know where he's coming from.
22) I didn't go to college. It wasn't in the cards for me. Rummy, Knock, and Bullshit, (all card games) were in the cards for me. I still have time to go if I want to.
23) My teenage daughter can be a real piece of work sometimes. I just let it go, I was a real piece of work when I was her age, too. Besides, I've already put the same curse on her that my mother put on me, and wished her a daughter that acts just like her someday. She's living proof that the curse works.
24) Everyone in my house wrestles, uses choke holds, kicks and practices new moves on one another- I just step over or around them and try keep it moving.
25) People tease me about talking a lot. I laugh with them. Plus I'm obviously keeping their attention.
26) Some people actually don't pay any attention, and aren't actually listening to me. I don't mind that either, because most of the time, I really am just talking to hear myself talk.
27) Eddie Van Halen didn't wait for me to grow up. Thank goodness or I wouldn't have met my awesome husband. He can play a guitar and I've never had to wait for him to get out of rehab.
28) Some people are Gay. Why should I care? Some people aren't Gay and nobody is complaining about that.
29) I have a small hole right in the crotch of my favorite pair of shorts. Makes no difference to me. I'm gonna wear those suckers until it offends someone, and even then, I'll probably still wear them for spite.
30) The strings in celery: Completely fine with it.
31) People ALWAYS mistake me for my younger sister's mother when we go out shopping together. Not insulted at all. It always gives us a good laugh, and good laughs are hard to come by these days.
32) My sons are hanging out with their friends on my birthday. I'm not even the tiniest bit upset. I'm probably just going to finish reading my book anyway, now I can do it without either of them interrupting me.
33) My husband calls me Lucy because I can be very clumsy. I take it as a compliment,  physical comedy is not easy to pull off.
34) People with a different opinion than me: So?
35) Crying babies in restaurants or stores: They're just babies, unless I'm hungover.
36) Movies with subtitles: After a minute or two, I don't even see them.
37) Fat people: don't care. Not affected one way or the other.
38) Curse words: everyone's had at least one of those days.
39) Barking dogs: barely even notice them.
40) Backseat drivers: Fine by me. Okay- that's complete bull. That will drive me crazier than almost anything, and I may actually drive worse just to piss them off.

Happy birthday to me.
Enjoy, Barrelassers :)