THAT SH*&%! WON'T FLY AROUND HERE!

I just read an article, or actually a blog post about proper airplane attire and it got me thinking...I realize that a long time ago people dressed up to get on a plane. This was also  a time when people dressed up to go to the gas station, but that's beside the point. And even though I've never been on a plane, I do still think people should, at the very least, dress casual and decent. I don't know why I have that opinion, but I do. It's based on absolutely nothing and no previous experience at all. That being said, I noticed a reoccurring position seemed to be held by a lot of the people commenting on the post. Aside from the ones who declared comfort is the most important thing, there seemed to be many who scoffed at the idea of comfort on a plane, and firmly expressed their opinion on the air-traveler's attire.

The word "professional" was used an awful lot. "People should look professional when flying on a plane"  some demanded. "I always dress like a professional when traveling by plane!" said a few more. So while it left me questioning the proper airplane attire, I was left with what I believe is a much more appropriate question. Professional what? Why is it important to look professional on an airplane, and does this even make any sense? Should your chosen outfit for the flight be based on your actual profession? I mean if we're trying to be professional here, should Joe Blow from McDonalds wear his McDonalds' uniform? Should a Yoga Instructor wear their Yoga clothes? If you work in maintenance, should you wear a maintenance uniform, complete with name badge and a ring of keys clipped to your belt loop?

I suppose people with desk jobs, or any profession that requires a dress or suit and tie would look pretentious and they would scoff and look down their noses at the other passengers- or wait, that's what First Class is for, right?

All I can say is, should the need arise for you to fly from one place to another, Heaven help you if you're a hooker!

Sooooo. DO or DO NOT wear this on a plane? ;)

Enjoy, Barrelassers :)

WHAT DOES THE QB DO, AGAIN?

 Keeping it real, I'd like to say, that I do not watch Football. I do not follow Football at all. Unless, of course, my kid is playing for the team, and even then, I have no clue what in the hell is going on-at any time during the game. And my kid now plays Basketball, so that really leaves me out of the loop.

Real life conversation in my house during the Super Bowl XLVIII:

Me: "So, we live in Tennessee, so I'm gonna pull for the Broncos because of Peyton Manning. That is the only way I can pick a team to pull for."

Barrelassin' Jay: "Sounds good."

Me: I know absolutely nothing about this game, Jay. But I know that Peyton Manning is a big deal. What position does he play?

Barrelassin' "Jay: He's the QB."

Me: "Well, I know everyone loves the QB! That's an important guy! But tell me this...I've actually paid some attention to this game, and I'm wondering, is Peyton's only job to throw the ball at someone else and see what they do with it? Like, he gets the ball, waits until he's almost attacked, and picks a guy to throw it to, and then what? He just stands around to see if he made the right decision?

Barrelassin' Jay: "Sort of, but not exactly. The QB usually calls the plays. He has a lot on him."

Me: "So...he guesses who to throw the ball to, in this case, the guy who can't catch at all, and then he stands there and waits to see what happens, and the play was all his idea to begin with, and none of the ideas worked, yet, he's the only one on the whole entire team I've ever heard of? Why does everyone want to be the QB, and why does he get to make all the commercials, and make all the money, if that's all he does?" 

Barrelassin' Jay: "It takes a lot of skill to throw that football, and not everyone can do it."

Me: "What about the guys who catch the ball, and make the touchdowns?! This is the dumbest game, EVER!" 

Enjoy, Barrelassers :)

PEYTON MANNING CALLS HOME? :(

                                      It's mean, but we have to laugh. That's how we roll.
                                                    Enjoy, Barrelassers :)

Photo from https://www.facebook.com/Delilah

GROUNDHOG DAY XLVIII- WE CAN DO IT ALL AGAIN TOMORROW

Everyone's going on about the Super Bowl. Worried about which team will win, the Denver Broncos or the Seattle Seahawks? The commercials, the food, the whole nine yards (pun intended.) Me, I'm over here on this rainy Groundhog's Day, simply wondering if we're going to go through all of this again tomorrow? Will every day now technically  be the day after the Super Bowl, but still the day of the Super Bowl?

  Will the fans actually now be watching the Super Bowl every single day, thus meaning every day is Super Bowl Sunday? I do not think is a coincidence, and was clearly scheduled by a Football fan. I guess we won't know 'til tomorrow, but either way, I think we should make darn sure that we make the very best of today, in case we have to relive it all over again tomorrow.

And just throwing this out there, I think the Super Bowl is stealing all the spotlight from that little Groundhog. So, for those of you who don't know yet, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow today, therefore confirming six more weeks of winter. Truthfully, I think we all saw that coming.

Enjoy, Barrelassers :)

TOP ELEVEN LIES PEOPLE TELL TO MAKE THEIR POINT

11) "It's colder than a witch's titty." (How do we know this?)

10) "I swear!" (And yet it makes everything sound much more believable.)

09) "I promise, I won't tell anyone else." (If you have to make someone swear to secrecy, you probably already distrust this person a little. Don't tell them)

08) "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times." (Who's keeping up this?)

07) "If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that, I'd be rich." (Remember, it takes 2,000 nickels to make $100.00. While $100.00 is very handy, it's hardly enough to make anyone "rich." Now imagine, how many times you would actually have to hear something to get rich by way of the mighty nickel.)

06) "I'm coughing my head off." (Coughing is uncomfortable, annoying, and sometimes painful-but your whole head? Right off your body?)

05) "I laughed so hard I cried." (While this does happen, most people actually tear up a little at most while laughing. It takes a really good laugh, to make one actually cry.)

04) "Hurry, I'm about to pee in my pants!" (It's certainly best to get to the restroom when you need to go, but is everyone really about to actually pee in their pants before they can get to the restroom?)

03) "I could've died!!" (Could you? Could you really have just died by something as simple as hearing some sorted information?)

02) "You're giving me a headache." (Is someone really giving you a headache, or are they just annoying the hell out of you?)


And the number one lie people tell to make a point -determined by me, and comes in several forms is...

01) "You almost gave me a heart attack!" "I nearly had a heart attack!" "I thought I had a heart attack!"

(Think of how many times you would have nearly had an actual heart attack, or thought you actually had a heart attack over your lifetime, if this were a true statement.)

Enjoy, Barrelassers :)

FORTY FACTS I'M FINE WITH. SAY THAT FIVE TIMES FAST!

In honor of my fortieth birthday, I'm making a list of forty facts that I'm fine with. Let's see how this goes down.

1) I can bounce a quarter off my butt, and I just know it's not bouncing the way it's supposed to. Fine with it. I still don't even know why that's important. I can bounce a quarter off of any surface. I assure you it's not a special butt. Try it.

2) Not everyone finds me amusing. It's totally fine. 

3) Only one person has me in their Google Circles. It's Brett Michaels- I'm more than fine with that. In fact, I like saying it.

4) I've had a headache for as long as I can remember due to my deviated Septum. It's okay. I would rather have a headache than have gauze stuck up my nose for five days after the surgery to repair it. I would totally freak out!

5) My house is almost never spotless. That's cool with me. I would have to work very hard to make that happen and I'd much rather be making a mess.

6) I've had one strand of Christmas lights on my porch for more than a year. They've seen two Christmases, and I really don't care. 

7) I'm not rich. I'm fine with it for now, but seriously, it's time to get that mess under control. 

8) I just got judged for wanting to be rich- doesn't bother me in the least. Judge away. I like lots of different things, and the only way I know to get them legally is money. I have things to do, therefore, I'm gonna need to be rich. 

9) I have this one little scar above my right eye. It doesn't bother me. It reminds of me of a really fun time.

10) The garbage truck doesn't come by my house. Whatever. It's a small sacrifice to make for having  garbage.

11) There's weapons and musical instruments sitting all over in random places throughout my house. I don't really know where they go, so I'm okay with moving them over if I need to sit down.

12) There's crutches behind my bedroom door. They've been there for about five years. Nobody in my house is on crutches. Oh well, they're not bothering me.

13) My mom got the good eyelashes. They skipped me and my little sister and daughter got them instead. It's all good. I just glue some on when I want them.

14) I just used my birthday and guilt tripped my daughter in to rubbing my back. I'm fine with it. She tried to bribe me first with a birthday present  if I would take her shopping. That's just how we roll. 

15) I usually pick out my own Christmas and birthday presents. Doesn't bother me, I don't have to pretend I like what I get.

16) Four people follow my blog, but hundreds read it. Followers mean absolutely nothing in the world of blogging. It's the traffic that keeps coming back that's most important. And people never comment on it publicly, only email or message me. I wouldn't comment on some of the things I come up with, either. ;)

17) I sound like a dying sheep when I sing. I'm cool with that. I don't sing for a living.

18) I've done some really stupid things in my life. Fine with that, too. Most of them were really fun, and they've made me who I am today, and I happen to like me a lot. 

19) I don't have actual neighbors. I did that on purpose.

20) My husband thinks Jennifer Aniston is hot. I couldn't care less. As long as he's team Jenn and not team Angelina/Brad, I'm happy.

21) My oldest son had absolutely no interest in college. He tried to give it a whirl twice- for about a week each time- I'm not bothered by this, I had no interest in the First grade, I know where he's coming from.

22) I didn't go to college. It wasn't in the cards for me. Rummy, Knock, and Bullshit, (all card games) were in the cards for me. I still have time to go if I want to.

23) My teenage daughter can be a real piece of work sometimes. I just let it go, I was a real piece of work when I was her age, too. Besides, I've already put the same curse on her that my mother put on me, and wished her a daughter that acts just like her someday. She's living proof that the curse works.

24) Everyone in my house wrestles, uses choke holds, kicks and practices new moves on one another- I just step over or around them and try keep it moving.

25) People tease me about talking a lot. I laugh with them. Plus I'm obviously keeping their attention.
26) Some people actually don't pay any attention, and aren't actually listening to me. I don't mind that either, because most of the time, I really am just talking to hear myself talk.
27) Eddie Van Halen didn't wait for me to grow up. Thank goodness or I wouldn't have met my awesome husband. He can play a guitar and I've never had to wait for him to get out of rehab.
28) Some people are Gay. Why should I care? Some people aren't Gay and nobody is complaining about that.
29) I have a small hole right in the crotch of my favorite pair of shorts. Makes no difference to me. I'm gonna wear those suckers until it offends someone, and even then, I'll probably still wear them for spite.
30) The strings in celery: Completely fine with it.
31) People ALWAYS mistake me for my younger sister's mother when we go out shopping together. Not insulted at all. It always gives us a good laugh, and good laughs are hard to come by these days.
32) My sons are hanging out with their friends on my birthday. I'm not even the tiniest bit upset. I'm probably just going to finish reading my book anyway, now I can do it without either of them interrupting me.
33) My husband calls me Lucy because I can be very clumsy. I take it as a compliment,  physical comedy is not easy to pull off.
34) People with a different opinion than me: So?
35) Crying babies in restaurants or stores: They're just babies, unless I'm hungover.
36) Movies with subtitles: After a minute or two, I don't even see them.
37) Fat people: don't care. Not affected one way or the other.
38) Curse words: everyone's had at least one of those days.
39) Barking dogs: barely even notice them.
40) Backseat drivers: Fine by me. Okay- that's complete bull. That will drive me crazier than almost anything, and I may actually drive worse just to piss them off.

Happy birthday to me.
Enjoy, Barrelassers :)

MEANWHILE, IN WONDERLAND...

Oh the weather outside is frightening...no, really, I mean FLIPPIN'  FRIGHTENING! I'm not going out there, I don't have to; I can see it. I'm holed up in a hotel room in town to keep from being holed up in my house and snowed or maybe even iced in at this point.

I do not have the time nor the patience for a snowstorm or an ice storm, or even a thunderstorm, because I am knee-deep in the planning of mine and my two girls' 40TH,   birthday party/celebration/ extravaganza, call it what you will. While the season is Winter, I'm in a wonderland with all the details! We're so excited and we can't wait to celebrate. Now if the weather could make a swift shift and cooperate, we get keep things in order. The cake design has been underway and nothing's gonna stop us now!

At this time I don't know what's crazier, the fact that I'm walking around with a can f Lysol  spraying everyone and every thing in site, (door handles, remote controls, computers, phones, people) or the fact that it's twelve degrees outside, and my daughter and her friend thought they were going to walk to a nearby store and purchase swimsuits so that they could swim indoors to break up the mounting spells of pure boredom. First of all, I advised against the walk, but I didn't put my foot down. I made a simple suggestion. "How about you walk around outside for a minute and then decide if you think you should make the trip." I let them make their own decision; I'm okay with letting them be involved. And I knew that they would never make it that far, which proved to be true when I heard them come back in moments later, stating that it is, in fact, too cold to walk anywhere. See how that works? The girls are in the nice warm room, I don't have to worry about them, nobody is mad at me for it, and it was all their idea! When my husband returns from work, we will drive them to get swimsuits. Oh wait, now I know the answer to what's crazier. Probably the fact that we live in a town where the nearby store still sells swimsuits when it's twelve degrees outside. People like us...they see us coming from a mile away.

Enjoy, Barrelassers :)